Stakeout Insanity
by manyissues101
Summary: BriscoeGreen friendship “Because that’s the point. We sit, we watch, we wait, we record things, we die of boredom, and they hire new detectives that don’t know what they’re in for. It’s the neverending circle of the stakeout.”


Alright, here's my first attempt at anything Law and Order or anything written in just dialogue. Even though the notes aren't in dialogue…but those don't count…because I say so.

Each scene break represents the passing of another day. Following it is a few notes from their log and a bit of dialogue that took place. Enjoy.

0----0

It's the first day, and both Detective Briscoe and Detective Green are bored out of their minds. They tried to fix the long broken radio, but Detective Green ended up suffering minor electrical shocks, and it is now agreed that it would be best to go without the radio.

_Detective Briscoe has eaten all of his breakfast and Detective Green is getting tired of his complaining about how hungry he is._

_Detective Green has given Detective Briscoe part of his breakfast to shut him up and now regrets it._

"Why are these things always mind-numbing?"

"Because that's the point. We sit, we watch, we wait, we record things, we die of boredom, and they hire new detectives that don't know what they're in for. It's the never-ending circle of the stakeout."

"That's deep, man."

"Hey, stop laughing, I'm not joking. Besides, I told you to bring something to do."

"No, Lennie, I you told me to get lots of sleep."

"You didn't, did you?"

"How could I with you always callin' me askin' if I'm sleepin'. I ain't sleepin' if I pick up the phone."

"I was testing your stamina."

"Yeah, well, you'd better hope that I don't decide to test your stamina."

"Ed, stop mumbling and look over there."

"You mean…at the naked Chinese guy? The one that's peein' all over the street?"

"Isn't this city beautiful?"

"If you like naked Chinese guys."

"Don't you?"

"I prefer 'em clothed, thank you."

"Hey, whatever floats your boat."

"Yeah, well, I wonder what's floatin' his. He's been goin' at that for a couple of minutes now. Should we do something?"

"How can we without giving away our position? Its this guy's lucky day." 

"Or unlucky. I wonder how much alcohol he's drownin' in."

"Why are you looking at me like that? Oh, I see. No, Ed, I never got wasted, naked, and pissed on the street. Now stop looking at me like that."

"Hey, how am I supposed to know your drunken antics?"

"Lets get off the subject."

"Well what do you want to do?"

"There's a pack of cards over there, but I'm not playing with you."

"Why?"

"Well, Mr. Gambling Addiction, I don't feel like losing. Or feeding your problem."

"I'm not addicted to gambling."

"Just like I wasn't addicted to alcohol."

"Shut up."

"I call them as I see them. Besides, you're the one that brought it up."

"You're the one that said it."

"You're touchy."

"You're old. We all have our bad qualities."

"Yeah, well, Young Spice doesn't sound as good."

"Neither does the sound of breaking hips."

"Ouch. You know how to bruise an ego."

0----0

_Detective Briscoe thinks that Lieutenant Van Buren owes him some serious french fries for doing this._

Detective Green thinks that he maybe saw a shadow in a window. Detective Briscoe doubts it.

_It is by unanimous vote that both detectives have decided to shorten their notes to provide more paper to play hangman on._

"Hey, Lennie, you have kids. What are those games that they play at sleepovers?"

"You mean like Truth or Dare?"

"Yeah, 'cept…not."

"Well…there's always Spin the Bottle—"

"We ain't playin' that."

"Right you are."

"What about that game where they—"

"Ed, I don't know what you're about to say, but don't say it."

"Fine. I was just trying to have a little bit of fun."

"Stakeouts aren't allowed to be fun. That would be breaking the first rule."

"Oh yeah? What's the first rule?"

"As I said: Stakeouts aren't allowed to be fun."

0----0

Detective Green has officially won six rounds of Solitaire against himself, and Detective Briscoe thinks that anyone that's that good needs to be checked into rehab. 

Detective Green resents Detective Briscoe's previous entry and reserves the right to cross out anything that he doesn't like.

_Detective Briscoe has noted that right and reserves the right to write it over again._

"Hey Lennie?"

"Finally, some conversation."

"If you wanted conversation then why didn't you break the silence?"

"Nothing to say."

"Anyway, how long are we out here ya think?"

"Until we catch the guy."

"At this rate, I'm beginning to doubt that we will."

"Then we'll be getting well acquainted with the inside of this van."

"Don't you think he would have come out by now? Its been days and not a sign of life."

"Actually, it is a little strange."

"Hey, maybe we aren't at the right house. Wait, Lennie, why are you checking the papers? I was joking."

"Joke this. Read the street name on the paperwork, and read that street sign over there."

"Oh god, Lennie, don't tell me. This isn't the right street, is it?"

"Don't remind me."

0----0

Detective Briscoe wasted four days in front of the wrong house. Detective Green believes that he should be penalized. Harshly. And he reserves his right to do it.


End file.
